It was a cool Tuesday morning, about 11am. I had just finished jogging a couple of miles and was heading back to my place to eat some lunch. After preparing a gourmet meal, a ham and cheese sandwich, I wanted to relax a bit before jumping into the shower. I watched some TV and read some news on the internet.
It was about an hour before work, around 1pm, when I decided I'd go take a shower. I got my fresh pair of underwear and fresh towel, ready to clean the stink from my body. When I turned the shower on, it did not turn on. No water came out. I then tried my bathroom sink. Nothing. No water. I tried my kitchen sink. Again, no damn water. Why didn't my apartment complex warn me they were going to turn off the water? All they had to do was put a little note on my door. Sons of bitches.
I started weighing my possibilities. There wasn't enough time to go somewhere and shower, so that wouldn't work. I could try to shower at work, but, I'd get fired. I had to start thinking outside the box, or, what's in a box.
I had a 24 pack of Ozarka water. I could stand in the tub and pour the water over myself, but why waste good water on my stinky body. I was getting desperate so I tried the water again. Nothing. Pissed off, I turned the knob as far as it could go. A little bit of water started coming out. There was hope.
Even though there was water, it wasn't enough to clean my body, but maybe my hair. I was right. It took about five minutes to wash my hair, a long time considering I don't have a lot of hair, but it was clean. Happy to have a fresh smelling head, the problem of my dirty body still remained. I thought about it for, maybe, a minute and forty five seconds more.
I knew what to do. I had a package of Wet Ones in my back pack. This was my only option. That's right folks, I cleaned myself with Wet Ones. And, to be truthful, they didn't work very well. It felt like the filth was moved to different parts of my body and not removed. Pretty nasty feeling. On the bright side, the Wet Ones had a clean citrus scent. So I might have been a dirty, dirty man, but I smelt of freshly cut oranges.
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