"Mother of Moses" sucks.
I tried it out today and it sucks.
Stay with "Jesus Christ".
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
New Slang
I feel like using "Jesus Christ" when you're upset or surprised is played out. Instead, people should start saying "Mother of Moses". I think it's funnier and sounds better because of the alliteration.
Example. - On the way home from work tonight I almost ran over a dog with my bicycle. After I was able to barely dodge him, I exhaled and said, "Mother of Moses. I almost killed that little bastard."
Not too shabby.
Example. - On the way home from work tonight I almost ran over a dog with my bicycle. After I was able to barely dodge him, I exhaled and said, "Mother of Moses. I almost killed that little bastard."
Not too shabby.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Enjoy Your Life
Every once in a while you are reminded of how quickly you can cease to be.
One of my supervisors at work was in a car accident on his way home from work this past Friday. He was hit by someone who ran a red light. His car rolled four times and he was unable to get out of the car until someone broke his window to pull him out. Thankfully, he was alright and released from the hospital the same night.
These occurrences serve as a reminder. A reminder to everyone who forgets how short life is. You never know when your time's up. Enjoy your life and get the most out of everyday.
I do. I masturbate twice a day, everyday. Four if I'm lucky.
One of my supervisors at work was in a car accident on his way home from work this past Friday. He was hit by someone who ran a red light. His car rolled four times and he was unable to get out of the car until someone broke his window to pull him out. Thankfully, he was alright and released from the hospital the same night.
These occurrences serve as a reminder. A reminder to everyone who forgets how short life is. You never know when your time's up. Enjoy your life and get the most out of everyday.
I do. I masturbate twice a day, everyday. Four if I'm lucky.
Funny Thing I heard
There was a commercial for a news segment about garage sales. Their tag line:
"How to get the most cash for your garage sale trash."
"How to get the most cash for your garage sale trash."
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Other People's Secrets
I had a friend who once told me that he shampooed his pubic hair.
I was reminded of this the other day when I was braiding mine.
I was reminded of this the other day when I was braiding mine.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Oral Cancer
I went to the dentist yesterday and they gave me a piece of paper with information about Oral Cancer. It explained the people at risk of getting Oral Cancer and what you can do to counteract the cancer. You can buy a mouthwash that fights Oral Cancer and it only costs $60.
As I was reading it, the dental hygienist told me that my insurance may, or may not, cover it. So, if I really want to fight Oral Cancer it might cost me $60 out of my own pocket. I did not agree to this, and I'll tell you why.
Their explanation of the people at risk for Oral Cancer was ridiculous. They had a three stage tier, from high to higher to highest. It went something like this:
High Risk: age 18-39 - sexually active (HPV)
Higher Risk: age 40-44 - use tobacco
Highest Risk: age 45-above - use tobacco
The last two are understandable, but the first one is what is ridiculous. If you are 18-39 and sexually active you are risk for oral cancer.
That is everyone.
Well, I guess only people who have HPV or sleep with people who have HPV. Don't be a slut and your at risk percentage will drop.
Notice how they put sexually active first and HPV last, in parenthesis. I bet they hope all you read is the sexually active part. They're trying to scare people.
I don't appreciate the dentist trying to scare me into buying a $60 mouthwash.
I went ahead and did some quick research about Oral Cancer, out of curiosity. It turns out that the connection between Oral Cancer and HPV has only recently been found. They don't even know how it causes the cancer, but I don't care.
I was right. I was right not to buy the $60 mouthwash.
Now, I just have to avoid sleeping with a girl that has HPV. That shouldn't be hard since I don't get much action anyway.
If you're curious about Oral Cancer:
http://www.mdanderson.org/diseases/oralcancer/display.cfm?id=c8c43ca7-4ed9-4fdc-ad723f8f53baab01&method=displayfull
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Marriage
I wish more people thought about the ones they want to marry. Love hits you hard and that's understandable, but you shouldn't run into marriage. If that were the case, then I would've been married twice and had four kids by now.
It is so clear when people can work together and when they can't. People need to be better friends. Tell your friend, who is blinded by love, that they are retarded. Tell them it will not ever work and they are wasting their precious life.
I guarantee it will happen to you or one of your friends in your lifetime, if it hasn't already.
On the bright side, there is nothing better than two people who are willing to deal with each other indefinitely, even when love ends. This doesn't mean they've broken up, just that love ends. It's a scientific fact. The feeling of love lasts two years, after that, you stay because you truly enjoy the company of the other person.
Anyway, that's enough emotion for a month.
It is so clear when people can work together and when they can't. People need to be better friends. Tell your friend, who is blinded by love, that they are retarded. Tell them it will not ever work and they are wasting their precious life.
I guarantee it will happen to you or one of your friends in your lifetime, if it hasn't already.
On the bright side, there is nothing better than two people who are willing to deal with each other indefinitely, even when love ends. This doesn't mean they've broken up, just that love ends. It's a scientific fact. The feeling of love lasts two years, after that, you stay because you truly enjoy the company of the other person.
Anyway, that's enough emotion for a month.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Playstation 3
I bought a Playstation 3 this past Thursday. It has taken up most of my days. From playing bad ass video games to watching movies in BluRay, it is all consuming.
I haven't even thought about writing in my blog. It's kind of sad. The Playstation 3 has stolen my brain and, probably, my soul.
My Playstation is calling, I have to go.
One day I'll be back.
Bye.
I haven't even thought about writing in my blog. It's kind of sad. The Playstation 3 has stolen my brain and, probably, my soul.
My Playstation is calling, I have to go.
One day I'll be back.
Bye.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Bump On My Testicle Story
When I was nineteen, I found a bump on my testicle. It was my left one, to be exact. I was a little freaked out. I told my mom, who is a nurse, because I wasn’t sure if I should see a doctor. She said to make a doctor appointment and, thankfully, did not ask to exam my testicle herself.
When I was in the waiting room at the doctor’s office I was dreading what was about to happen. I would have to tell the doctor I have a bump on my left ball and he would have to grab it. At nineteen, I had barely had one girl grab my balls. Imagine the awkwardness I felt that a fifty year old man was about to grab my ball.
I was sitting inside the exam room and the doctor came in and sat down. We did the normal pleasantries. He asked me how I was doing and all that jazz. He then got to the point.
“So, why are you here?” he asked.
“Well, I have a bump on my testicle” I responded.
“Okay”, he stood up, ”Pull down your pants and I’ll take a look.”
As I started to pull my pants down, I died a little on the inside. I felt cheap and used. Once I got my pants down and stood up straight, I could feel my junk dangling and a slight breeze. Maybe the air condition was on.
“Which one is it?” the doctor asked.
“The left one” I said, trying not to make eye contact. He reached down and felt it for a few seconds. He looked at me and said, “I don’t feel anything”.
“What?” I said, a little shocked. I know I felt a bump. I didn’t imagine it. “Are you sure?”
“You want me to look again?” the doctor asked.
“Yeah, I know I felt a bump” I said with full confidence. He checked again.
“I don’t feel anything,” he said again.
“Really?” I started feeling my ball in front of him. I found what I thought was the bump and said, “Try again. It’s right here”. He gave me a look that I didn’t really understand and he tried again.
“I feel what you’re talking about. That isn’t a bump,” he said.
I asked him what it was and he gave me a clear explanation. To this day, I do not remember what he told me because, during his explanation, I had realized what I had done. I had insisted that he grab my testicle more than he should have. That was what the look he gave me meant. The look said, ”Really? You want me to grab your ball again?”
I left with an unbearable feeling of embarrassment. I was so sure there was a bump on my testicle that it blinded me. I didn’t see how I was forcing the doctor to repeatedly touch my testicle, something that he probably wasn’t comfortable with either.
Oh well, it’s a funny story.
When I was in the waiting room at the doctor’s office I was dreading what was about to happen. I would have to tell the doctor I have a bump on my left ball and he would have to grab it. At nineteen, I had barely had one girl grab my balls. Imagine the awkwardness I felt that a fifty year old man was about to grab my ball.
I was sitting inside the exam room and the doctor came in and sat down. We did the normal pleasantries. He asked me how I was doing and all that jazz. He then got to the point.
“So, why are you here?” he asked.
“Well, I have a bump on my testicle” I responded.
“Okay”, he stood up, ”Pull down your pants and I’ll take a look.”
As I started to pull my pants down, I died a little on the inside. I felt cheap and used. Once I got my pants down and stood up straight, I could feel my junk dangling and a slight breeze. Maybe the air condition was on.
“Which one is it?” the doctor asked.
“The left one” I said, trying not to make eye contact. He reached down and felt it for a few seconds. He looked at me and said, “I don’t feel anything”.
“What?” I said, a little shocked. I know I felt a bump. I didn’t imagine it. “Are you sure?”
“You want me to look again?” the doctor asked.
“Yeah, I know I felt a bump” I said with full confidence. He checked again.
“I don’t feel anything,” he said again.
“Really?” I started feeling my ball in front of him. I found what I thought was the bump and said, “Try again. It’s right here”. He gave me a look that I didn’t really understand and he tried again.
“I feel what you’re talking about. That isn’t a bump,” he said.
I asked him what it was and he gave me a clear explanation. To this day, I do not remember what he told me because, during his explanation, I had realized what I had done. I had insisted that he grab my testicle more than he should have. That was what the look he gave me meant. The look said, ”Really? You want me to grab your ball again?”
I left with an unbearable feeling of embarrassment. I was so sure there was a bump on my testicle that it blinded me. I didn’t see how I was forcing the doctor to repeatedly touch my testicle, something that he probably wasn’t comfortable with either.
Oh well, it’s a funny story.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Chromeo
I don't like 80's music, but for some reason I like Chromeo. I came across them yesterday and their music made me laugh so much. It sounded more 80's than actual 80's music.
Their music reminds of the cheesy Nintendo games I used to play and the cheesy 80's movies I used to watch. Plus, it doesn't hurt that the beats are catchy.
Their first album, "She's In Control", is pretty good, but their second, "Fancy Footwork", is the ultimate example of the 80's.
If you like 80's music, check out Chromeo - "Fancy Footwork".
Their music reminds of the cheesy Nintendo games I used to play and the cheesy 80's movies I used to watch. Plus, it doesn't hurt that the beats are catchy.
Their first album, "She's In Control", is pretty good, but their second, "Fancy Footwork", is the ultimate example of the 80's.
If you like 80's music, check out Chromeo - "Fancy Footwork".
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Joey Secret (4)
I did not vote.
The first person who asked me if I have voted became very upset when I said I had not. They then began to lecture me.
After that, when someone asked if I had voted I lied and said I had.
I don't like being lectured.
The first person who asked me if I have voted became very upset when I said I had not. They then began to lecture me.
After that, when someone asked if I had voted I lied and said I had.
I don't like being lectured.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Hybrids
Everyone should want to make Hybrids (mix race kids). I know it’s hard when love hits you and you’re the same race, but don’t be afraid to mix it up.
Making Hybrids is better for the world. It makes the gene pool bigger and more diverse. Say, for example, lung cancer is more prevalent in white people. A white person having kids with another white person is going to create a baby whose chances of getting lung cancer are much higher than if a white person had a kid with a black person.
Plus, more often than not, the kids are better looking than same race kids. Everyone wants a good-looking kid, right?
They also have more opportunities when it comes to scholarships for college. If the kid is half Hispanic and half African American, he can apply for scholarships for both races. It doubles their chances to get free money for school.
Some of the best athletes are Hybrids. Derek Jeter and Tiger Woods are a couple of the biggest names in sports.
Now, the president elect is a Hybrid. People are always calling African American, but they should call him a Hybrid. He’s going to be the first Hybrid president.
I’ve given you genetic, superficial and financial reasons for Hybrids. It’s up to you now. Try and mix it up. I know it can be hard, though.
There are still a lot of old fashion families. Asians, for example, are notorious for not wanting to mix it up. Just remember, love is blind. Don’t let race get in the way of some loving.
Making Hybrids is better for the world. It makes the gene pool bigger and more diverse. Say, for example, lung cancer is more prevalent in white people. A white person having kids with another white person is going to create a baby whose chances of getting lung cancer are much higher than if a white person had a kid with a black person.
Plus, more often than not, the kids are better looking than same race kids. Everyone wants a good-looking kid, right?
They also have more opportunities when it comes to scholarships for college. If the kid is half Hispanic and half African American, he can apply for scholarships for both races. It doubles their chances to get free money for school.
Some of the best athletes are Hybrids. Derek Jeter and Tiger Woods are a couple of the biggest names in sports.
Now, the president elect is a Hybrid. People are always calling African American, but they should call him a Hybrid. He’s going to be the first Hybrid president.
I’ve given you genetic, superficial and financial reasons for Hybrids. It’s up to you now. Try and mix it up. I know it can be hard, though.
There are still a lot of old fashion families. Asians, for example, are notorious for not wanting to mix it up. Just remember, love is blind. Don’t let race get in the way of some loving.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
What's Wrong With Hispanic/Latino?
I came across the Yahoo Personals while online and decided to see what kind of ladies where on the market, since I was recently dumped. Every time I looked at the profile of a good-looking lady she only wanted a white man. The only ladies that I found attractive were either white or asian. This doesn't mean I just like white and asian, they just had good pictures. I love all ladies. I don't discriminate. That's why I don't understand why they only want a white man.
How did the brown people get such a bad wrap? Do people really think that less of us? I might not be the best example, but there are good brown people out there.
There was one asian lady who chose every single race except Hispanic/Latino. I think she even chose Eskimo and Midget.
People should want to mix races. This convinces me that my next blog should be about Hybrids (mix race kids), especially with Obama winning the presidency.
How did the brown people get such a bad wrap? Do people really think that less of us? I might not be the best example, but there are good brown people out there.
There was one asian lady who chose every single race except Hispanic/Latino. I think she even chose Eskimo and Midget.
People should want to mix races. This convinces me that my next blog should be about Hybrids (mix race kids), especially with Obama winning the presidency.
Hey Joey Question (2)
I received a new Hey Joey question. I did not make this one up. Someone, actually, submitted a question. Learn from this person and do the same. I know you people are creative. Don’t be afraid. Read it and love it:
“Hey Joey,
I have a problem and I think you could help. I work with this guy and I’m not sure if I should ask him out or not. I think his mom would like us to date. Well, the problem is:
1. I don't think he's that funny
2. Well, I think he's Iranian
Now I’m not racist but that's pushing it. I mean Iranian, come on, what with the war and all. So my question is, should I just have a lot of meaningless sex with him and then try to get him fired or should I just deport him? Oh yeah, by the way, I think his mom is really hot.
Sincerely,
Tammy Lou Hicks Whitington”
Tammy Lou, that is quite the predicament.
Just to let you know, the fact that you’re thinking of asking him out is pretty impressive. I’ve always admired girls with balls (figurative balls).
You can’t do anything about him not being funny. Some people are just funny than others. As for your Iranian reason, I don’t know where you’ve been. We are not at war with or in Iran. We are at war in Iraq and Afghanistan. Read a newspaper Tammy Lou.
Anyway, back to your question. It sounds like you want to use and abuse him or just abuse him.
I don’t think deportation is an option. If you thought we were at war with Iran chances are this guy is not only legal, he’s probably Irish.
If you want to bang him and get him fired, go ahead. You should also contract some herpes. So, not only will he be fired, but his piss will also be on fire. Herpes is the gift that keeps on giving.
I would tell you contract some HIV, but people shouldn’t die because they’re not funny. Or should they?
It also sounds as if you like the mom more. Try and bang her.
Joey has spoken.
“Hey Joey,
I have a problem and I think you could help. I work with this guy and I’m not sure if I should ask him out or not. I think his mom would like us to date. Well, the problem is:
1. I don't think he's that funny
2. Well, I think he's Iranian
Now I’m not racist but that's pushing it. I mean Iranian, come on, what with the war and all. So my question is, should I just have a lot of meaningless sex with him and then try to get him fired or should I just deport him? Oh yeah, by the way, I think his mom is really hot.
Sincerely,
Tammy Lou Hicks Whitington”
Tammy Lou, that is quite the predicament.
Just to let you know, the fact that you’re thinking of asking him out is pretty impressive. I’ve always admired girls with balls (figurative balls).
You can’t do anything about him not being funny. Some people are just funny than others. As for your Iranian reason, I don’t know where you’ve been. We are not at war with or in Iran. We are at war in Iraq and Afghanistan. Read a newspaper Tammy Lou.
Anyway, back to your question. It sounds like you want to use and abuse him or just abuse him.
I don’t think deportation is an option. If you thought we were at war with Iran chances are this guy is not only legal, he’s probably Irish.
If you want to bang him and get him fired, go ahead. You should also contract some herpes. So, not only will he be fired, but his piss will also be on fire. Herpes is the gift that keeps on giving.
I would tell you contract some HIV, but people shouldn’t die because they’re not funny. Or should they?
It also sounds as if you like the mom more. Try and bang her.
Joey has spoken.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
THANK YOU!
My blog has been visited over 110 times in 23 days.
About 5 times a day someone reads my blog. Not too shabby.
If I ever see you beautiful bastards in the real world, I'll buy you a beer. Then, I'll let you buy me a beer.
Remember to tell your friends and spread my blog like herpes in high school.
Thanks. You're making my head swell.
About 5 times a day someone reads my blog. Not too shabby.
If I ever see you beautiful bastards in the real world, I'll buy you a beer. Then, I'll let you buy me a beer.
Remember to tell your friends and spread my blog like herpes in high school.
Thanks. You're making my head swell.
New Schedule For Blog Posts
I'm tired of writing everyday. I will now only have new stuff on Tues and Thurs.
This message is for the two people who actually read my blog.
This message is for the two people who actually read my blog.
My Dirty Limerick
I had a rough weekend and have been really lazy. I'm just going to post a limerick I wrote a few years ago.
If you don't know what a limerick is, it is a short, five line, rhyming verse where the first, second and fifth line rhyme and the third and fourth line rhyme. The third and fourth line are also shorter than the others.
Enjoy.
"I was horny so I bought a slut,
Who for a woman seemed rather cut.
She was covered with hair
And I soon was aware
She had her penis tucked under her butt."
If you don't know what a limerick is, it is a short, five line, rhyming verse where the first, second and fifth line rhyme and the third and fourth line rhyme. The third and fourth line are also shorter than the others.
Enjoy.
"I was horny so I bought a slut,
Who for a woman seemed rather cut.
She was covered with hair
And I soon was aware
She had her penis tucked under her butt."
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Asian Lady
I had just finished taking a piss at work and started walking back to the lab. As I was walking back I saw an Asian lady walking towards me. She was an older lady, maybe in her mid forty's, she was slim and looked like she had a nice body. She had on gym pants that were a little tight, tight enough to see her camel toe. After glancing at her toe of camel, I walked a little slower so I could check out her ass when she passed. She passed by and I looked. I saw something pretty interesting. Her gym pants were baggy on her ass.
How can she have camel toe in the front and have so much room in the ass?
Her stomach has to be bigger than her ass, right? That's just sad.
As I lover of women with juicy asses, I found this to be terribly disturbing. There should never be a slim woman whose stomach is bigger than her ass. Never. Ass should always win.
It was very shocking. It's almost as if her ass was concave.
I went from the toe of camel to the sunken flat lands of the ass.
As disappointed as I was, I'd still bang her. But, that's not saying much.
How can she have camel toe in the front and have so much room in the ass?
Her stomach has to be bigger than her ass, right? That's just sad.
As I lover of women with juicy asses, I found this to be terribly disturbing. There should never be a slim woman whose stomach is bigger than her ass. Never. Ass should always win.
It was very shocking. It's almost as if her ass was concave.
I went from the toe of camel to the sunken flat lands of the ass.
As disappointed as I was, I'd still bang her. But, that's not saying much.
Joey Secret (3)
When I was fifteen I masturbated eight times in one day. By the eighth time there was no ejaculate. All that came out was a cloud of sperm powder.
My penis then fell off.
My penis then fell off.
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