When I was twelve a couple of cousins and I started a rap group. We were called Uno, Dos, Tres.
One wore a red shirt, one wore a white shirt with an eagle killing a snake and one wore a green shirt.
Our only song was a play on Kris Kross' "I Missed the Bus". It was called "I Missed the Taco Van".
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Valentine's Day Gift
I have the perfect gift idea for the special woman in your life. After you get her the usual chocolates, flowers and little nighties you plan to rip off her, top it off with this.
Tell her you found a beautifully cool picture of the thing she loves most. You can either wrap it up in a frame or just have it on your computer. She'll begin to think of what she loves most. Assure her that you know her well enough to know what she loves most. Talk up the picture and once she seems interested enough, go ahead and unveil it.
The picture will be a close up of your junk, of course. And by "your junk", I mean your penis and balls. You can capture it at full attention or just chilling. The choice is yours.
A gift that will make everybody happy.
Tell her you found a beautifully cool picture of the thing she loves most. You can either wrap it up in a frame or just have it on your computer. She'll begin to think of what she loves most. Assure her that you know her well enough to know what she loves most. Talk up the picture and once she seems interested enough, go ahead and unveil it.
The picture will be a close up of your junk, of course. And by "your junk", I mean your penis and balls. You can capture it at full attention or just chilling. The choice is yours.
A gift that will make everybody happy.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Science Lesson
Lately, I have been eating an enormous amount of junk food. I knew I was eating unhealthy, but didn't think much of it until my last couple of bowel movements.
They really stank.
It was almost unbearable.
The stench was so strong, I could still smell it ten minutes after I had left the restroom. I guess the smell had penetrated my nose hairs or maybe my clothes. Either way, it was freaking me out because I was at work. I didn't want to be walking around smelling like a sewage treatment plant.
The lesson is to eat as healthy as you can or else your craps will be so rancid they will border on dangerous and may be considered biological terrorism.
They really stank.
It was almost unbearable.
The stench was so strong, I could still smell it ten minutes after I had left the restroom. I guess the smell had penetrated my nose hairs or maybe my clothes. Either way, it was freaking me out because I was at work. I didn't want to be walking around smelling like a sewage treatment plant.
The lesson is to eat as healthy as you can or else your craps will be so rancid they will border on dangerous and may be considered biological terrorism.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Funny Thing I Told A Stripper
After the stripper was done giving me a lap dance, she was pretty tired.
She was working hard for her money.
Anyway, she was breaking a sweat and said, "I need a little break to cool down. I'll be back, okay?”
With a serious face, I responded with, "You gotta take a shit or what?”
Her face went blank and she said nothing. I started laughing and told her I was just kidding. She attempted to smile but I think I hit the bulls-eye. She probably had a turtle head poking.
I then checked my clothes for any skid marks.
She was working hard for her money.
Anyway, she was breaking a sweat and said, "I need a little break to cool down. I'll be back, okay?”
With a serious face, I responded with, "You gotta take a shit or what?”
Her face went blank and she said nothing. I started laughing and told her I was just kidding. She attempted to smile but I think I hit the bulls-eye. She probably had a turtle head poking.
I then checked my clothes for any skid marks.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
The Best Tow Guy Ever
This past Friday my car decided to not work.
I was about to leave a shopping center when I heard a horrible sound. It sounded as if my engine had fallen out of my car. My car was still running, but would not move forward. Luckily, it would go in reverse. After reversing my car out of the way, I then tried to push my car in neutral. It still would not go forward. I had no idea what the hell was going on. I ended up calling information for a tow service. The information lady asked me which tow service I wanted and I told her it didn't matter. She gave me a number and I called it.
When the tow guy showed up he asked what was wrong with my car. I thought this was weird. They usually only ask where I need my car towed. I told him I had no idea, but it might be the transmission because that is what people had told me (I called a bunch of people). He asked if he could take a look and I told him to go ahead.
After lifting my car up and looking under it he said he had found the problem. One of the bolts on my brake caliper had come loose and became stuck on my rim, locking my wheel. He then said that he could fix it for me for free.
Unbelievable.
I'm now going to cut this story short because I'm tired of typing and the Superbowl is about to start.
He needed a new brake caliper part in order to fix it. He drove me around for four hours to five different used parts places in order to find the part so I wouldn't have to take it to a shop. He fixed it.
All he charged me was the regular towing fee.
If you're in the Houston area and you need a tow call:
Bert D. Polk
832-890-3413
I was about to leave a shopping center when I heard a horrible sound. It sounded as if my engine had fallen out of my car. My car was still running, but would not move forward. Luckily, it would go in reverse. After reversing my car out of the way, I then tried to push my car in neutral. It still would not go forward. I had no idea what the hell was going on. I ended up calling information for a tow service. The information lady asked me which tow service I wanted and I told her it didn't matter. She gave me a number and I called it.
When the tow guy showed up he asked what was wrong with my car. I thought this was weird. They usually only ask where I need my car towed. I told him I had no idea, but it might be the transmission because that is what people had told me (I called a bunch of people). He asked if he could take a look and I told him to go ahead.
After lifting my car up and looking under it he said he had found the problem. One of the bolts on my brake caliper had come loose and became stuck on my rim, locking my wheel. He then said that he could fix it for me for free.
Unbelievable.
I'm now going to cut this story short because I'm tired of typing and the Superbowl is about to start.
He needed a new brake caliper part in order to fix it. He drove me around for four hours to five different used parts places in order to find the part so I wouldn't have to take it to a shop. He fixed it.
All he charged me was the regular towing fee.
If you're in the Houston area and you need a tow call:
Bert D. Polk
832-890-3413
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