Swine Flu

Swine Flu? Swine Flu?

I'm more worried about Swine Herpes.

I have sex with pigs.






<--Beautiful

New Flu

There's been a lot of talk, and hype, about the Swine Flu. This flu could become a pandemic...blah, blah, blah.

They're ignoring another flu that has been around for much longer and killed many more people in Mexico.

It's called the Bean Flu.

It seems to only target Mexicans, but is spreading into Texas. The initial theory was it followed the Mexicans sneaking into the US, but that is not the case. The main reason is because of the popularity of Tex-Mex restaurants and the people who enjoy to eat the occasional bean.

There have also been reports of a Fried Chicken Flu, a Cracker Flu and a Rice Flu.

Be Careful.

Susan Boyle

I thought we were done with this lady. I thought that little boy who could sing Micheal Jackson songs had stolen her spotlight.

I was wrong.

Now she's saying that she joked about never being kissed. Who cares?

I don't care about her life.

The only reason people like her is because she is so damn ugly. They feel sorry for her.

People don't like her singing that much, they're just happy to see that she actually has something going for her. It's obviously not her looks or personality.






She looks like an ugly man in ugly drag.

Twitter

Twitter is out of control. It has officially become worse than My Space and Facebook combined.

I'm watching the Spurs vs Mavs game right now and the NBA just advertised it's own Twitter account.

What the fuck.

What could a NBA tweet tell me that I did not just see happen on live tv. They're morons.

Twitter is the worst kind of herpes. World Brain Herpes (WBH). It affects everyone.

The only cure is to read a book. A book that has nothing to do with vampires or the teenage girls who love them.

Andy Rooney

I don't if you have seen Andy Rooney on TV lately, but he looks like he died a couple of years ago.

He is 90 years old.

I saw him on TV the other day and thought I had stumbled on to an unfunny zombie broadcast station. It was just CBS.

His skin looks like it's barely hanging on and his eyes look as if they have the glaucoma.

My cousin's dog had glaucoma. It was blind and used to run into walls.

I feel sorry him.

They should just make a cartoon version of him and his little segment so he won't scare small children and small brown people named Joey.

Hannah Montana Movie

First of all...what the hell?

I don't care about Miley Cyrus.

Poor me, I'm too famous.

Poor me, I don't have a normal life.

Poor me, I have to travel around the country.

Poor me, I'm a millionare.

Shut up Miley Cyrus.

I hope they include the real stuff in the movie. Like how she likes to make fun of the Asian race.